Finding a Voice

Did you ever listen to yourself on a recording?  I know this is a common observation, but it's always strange to hear how you sound to everyone else.  Everyone hates how they sound in a recording, it's practically a given.

What I never understood then, is why people always tell me they love my voice.  I can sing, I know.. But when I listen to myself, I always think I sound awkward.  But somehow everyone else seems to love it.  I can tell you I suppose that even without hypnosis I've driven people wild just whispering in their ear.  I get no small thrill out of doing that, let me tell you.

I say this to try and explain where I'm coming from, since otherwise this next bit might sound.. Strange.  There is very little "special" about me.

I'm not hot.. Never have been, likely never will be.  Though on occasion here I may allude to my gorgeousness, you can be sure that the passage in question is one of those fictional bits I mentioned would come up.  I'm pretty enough, not unattractive certainly, but just one of those who blends into the background and often escapes notice.

I'm smart, certainly.  But not so smart that I'm really among those gifted few.  Just smart enough to know how dumb I am.  For those of you cursed with the same degree of intelligence as I, you know what I mean.

That said, I think everyone has something special about them, that sets them apart from the crowd.  In my case those things are a bit more subtle than with others.  Sometimes I admit I wish that my noticeable qualities were a bit larger, protruding, and more obvious if you get my drift (yes I'm saying I wish my tits were bigger, so sue me).  But in my case you might not even see them at all, not unless you stop and talk to me, and even then not unless you get to know me far more intimately.

There are three, I think.  You can write this off as vanity, and quite possibly it is.  But these are things told to me over and over by people over the years, and not things I picked out about myself (if they were I would have gone with my smile, how cheesy is that?)

Firstly, and least known I think, at least to those who know me in my regular life, is my mind.  No I don't mean my intelligence.  I mean that I tend to think differently from most.  My job is making intuitive leaps and finding solutions to issues, and while I hate it, I am actually quite good at it.  I understand the larger picture, but can't stand details.  And while I wish I could shut it off, I tend to see things about people too.

I wish I didn't.. But far too often, I can look at a person, or talk to them for a few minutes, and know so well what makes them tick.. What makes them.. drip.. Yes I'm saying I have a talent for reading peoples fetishes.  I can see it, behind the empty words and fake smiles.  I can see those dark thoughts that twist their minds down pathways they wish they wouldn't go.  And I'm quite good at using it.

I excel at putting up those facades myself.  In acting, speaking, exuding the role of ways of thought that run entirely counter to my own.  Which is strange, because I rarely do it.

I don't spend my life false facing.  I am quite honest about almost everything, almost all the time.  I just avoid details I'd rather not discuss.  So it's rare that a person really sees.. Just how different I can be.

The second is my eyes.  I know, cheesy again right?  I don't mean in the typical pretty blue eyes sort of way.  And the only people who have really told me that I have great eyes are those I've hypnotized.  No I didn't tell them to think that.

As described by them, I apparently have.. Intense.. Eyes.  Deep eyes.. I don't do, whatever it is I do consciously, but somehow it comes out.  Somehow.. watching their eyes fog, fade, close.. Must bring it out of me.  Again something you wouldn't notice unless you got to know me, very, very well.

The third.. As you may have guessed, is my voice.  I don't claim to understand what it is about my voice that people like.  But I have always had some way.  Some way of framing words, some way of describing sentences, some way of placing just the right emphasis.. That has people hanging off every word I say.

It doesn't come across in public speaking, nor in lectures or conversations.  But when I have someones attention, when I'm passionate about what it is I'm talking about.. People just can't seem to stop listening.  I can talk about science, politics, books, tv, or just what happened that day.  And people just never seem to think to interrupt, to ask a question, or indeed look away.

And I must admit.. I get quite a rush out of that, too.

I feel foolish for spending so much time talking about myself.  Especially where I left off my story.  But as I was writing it I realized that it might sound strange, if I didn't explain where I was coming from.  So my apologies for the delay.  I'll get right back to it.