Hesitant Steps

I was standing in the middle of a ring.

Unofficial though it may be, no one had dared come near.  The volunteers in an arc in front, and the audience in an arc in back.  Unsure where to begin I helped each of those who had slumped forward in the audience to their feet, and walked them to the front row.  Those who were sitting there fled my approach, before I needed to say a word, make a gesture, anything.  All of a sudden they couldn't wait to see to my needs, out of fear, submission, awe, I don't know.

Soon I was alone, standing in a ring of people hanging off my every word.  People who couldn't help but take them in as gospel, couldn't help listen, and be influenced by my merest whim.

It was exhilarating.

People who know of my kink have often asked why I don't make a career of it.  Why I don't put on shows, or offer therapy, or get licensed.

That night is my answer.

I know full well that I couldn't handle it.  Couldn't handle that feeling without giving in to temptation.  This is meant to forever be recreation for me.  As a professional I would violate whatever paper ethics I might establish within a week, and be thrown out in disgrace in no time at all.

I stood, and suddenly felt unsure.  I hadn't planned for this, hadn't expected it.  The air was so charged, so electric.  I could Smell the sex in the air.  But I couldn't delve into those depths right away.  What if the subjects balked?  I was so.. Hesitant.  All of a sudden I couldn't decide what to do.

So I decided to go with some classic tropes.  Things I had seen, had heard of.  It was hardly what the audience was expecting at that point, but I couldn't give them what they wanted.  Not yet.

A boy grew cold, shivering as a girl grew hot, shedding a sweater to cheers.  A boy danced to some background music as a terrible hip hop star as a girl ground and bobbed as Brittany Spears.  We went through some ridiculous suggestions, miscounted fingers, silliness and fun.  Shying away from that feeling that had filled the room a half hour before.  But people were having fun, enjoying themselves, and that was enough.

The mood changed when Kailen got up to sing.

I can't recall exactly what the suggestion was.  But she was performing for some reason, and stood to belt out some song or another.  The room was laughing before she started, as she had followed some terrible performances.  But I saw an odd look from her boyfriend, as if he was laughing at me instead.  I didn't understand until she opened her mouth.

I said before that I can sing.  It's true, I can.  I have quite a good voice, though I don't perform all that well.  But Kailen.  I still don't know how she didn't end up a professional.  She sung something a little cheesy, some Disney song I think.  But from her lips it didn't sound that way.  It sounded.. deep.. moving.. And not a little bit, Hot.  Her face lit up as she sang, she glowed.

It was a beautiful moment.

And as she finished and sat down, the spell was broken.  We had listened to the whole song, without realizing it, and now it was over.  The laughter was gone, the music was gone.  And the room stood silent again.

Once again I was at a loss.  I hesitated.

And someone called out something that rather turned the direction of the evening.  "Make them strip!"

It was terrible, cliched, and terribly sexist.

But it sparked more than a few imaginations.

Suddenly there were more ideas, more suggested.. suggestions.  And all were sexual.  It was as if the flood gates had been opened and everyone's imaginations were running wild.  I fought them off for a short time, until Lisa's boyfriend pulled me over and whispered in my ear.

He told me to have her make out with a girl.. That she wouldn't mind, and neither would he.  And well, while my conscience had held me back from all those other ideas.  I have to say, when it came to her?  I didn't really care.

I grinned at him, and stepped back into my ring.